Written by: Michelle Moon. Los Angeles, California.

On the outside, my life looked successful. I had just earned my doctorate degree and was working at a great-paying job. But on the inside, I was surprised to find that I was not happy or satisfied. A deep hunger to know God more had been slowly growing in me over the past few years. With it, a dream was also brewing in my heart to attend ministry school and set aside time to pursue God. I eventually found the courage to apply to ministry school one summer and was accepted to attend that fall.

As I was preparing to move to go to the school, God clearly spoke to me and said, “At ministry school, you will learn to love yourself.” I was taken aback. I thought to myself, “Why would I need to learn to love myself? That’s not why I’m going to ministry school. I’m going to learn more about you, God.”

A few months later, I was immersed in my ministry school schedule. Four days a week, I would go to class with 1400 other students where we would have worship, several classes, and small groups. It was absolutely an incredible experience being around people from all around the world, together pursuing to know God more.

But honestly, it was also an overwhelming experience—being around so many people every single day, trying to make friends, taking in all the new experiences, and living in a new city. I had been inviting God to speak to me each day, asking Him what He was saying to me and what did He want me to focus on. One day, He said to me, “I want you to say one thing you are proud of yourself for at the end of every day.” Again, I was caught off guard—this seemed like a strange thing to do. But I said, “Okay God, you know what is best.”

Being proud of myself was not something I ever thought about, so when I started doing this daily, I couldn’t think of anything. “God, I am so overwhelmed in class. Being around this many people is a lot for me. The only thing I can think of that I am proud of myself about is that I showed up to class today.” At the end of the next day, I couldn’t think of another thing, so I said the same thing to God: “I am proud that I showed up in class today.” I asked God if he was saying anything else, but all He said was the same thing—to continue to speak over myself each day what I am proud of myself for. 

As the days continued, I slowly began to find other things I was proud of myself for. 

“Michelle, I’m proud of you for sharing in small group today. I saw how you opened up your heart and were vulnerable.”

“Michelle, I’m proud of you for going up to that leader and saying hello. I know you don’t find it easy to talk to people in authority, so that was big for you.”

As the days turned into months, I noticed that it was getting easier and easier to see things I was proud of myself for. And the interesting thing was that they were not big things. Most of them were small things—things I would normally ignore. It hit me that I know myself better than other people know me. So I know and can recognize when I do something, say something, or have an attitude that I find hard or challenging. It may not be significant for someone else, but I know it’s significant for me, and I have the power to acknowledge that and celebrate myself. 

Through all these days of celebrating myself, God began to speak to me, “The way that you are starting to be proud of yourself, the way you notice and celebrate the smallest things about yourself, this is what I am doing over you every moment of every day. I am your greatest encourager and cheerleader. I am your proud, proud Father. I see every small and big thing and I’m continually celebrating you.” I was so moved I started to cry. A door had just been unlocked in my life. I realized that my entire life I had been blocking so much of what God was speaking over me—that He loved me, He saw me, He chose me—because I didn’t believe Him when He spoke. Since I didn’t love myself, when God would speak words of life over me, I would simply reject them over and over again. 

But now when I opened up my heart to love myself, the daily love of God came flooding in. All along, He has been speaking words of life, encouragement, and celebration over me and now I could finally hear it and receive it. This is still a learning process for me and there are definitely days where life is challenging and it is tough to love myself. But I have learned to keep coming back to posture my heart in celebration over myself. And when I do this, I hear His still small voice clearly again saying how much He loves me, sees me, and is championing me. I finally understand in experience the promise of God over all of us found in Psalm 23:6 (TPT), “For your goodness and love pursue me all the days of my life.”