My Cavities Were Healed
In high school I developed an eating disorder. I was bullied pretty harshly as a kid. I was called fat, ugly, stupid, was laughed at- all the terrible things kids say to kids. What I wanted most was to be accepted.
In my early childhood I liked to eat (I still do, who am I kidding). I wasn't chubby though. I was an average weight but their whispers and laughs hurt. I became very self conscious.
Out of my desperation to fit in I unintentionally developed an eating disorder to control my weight and appearance. "If I look prettier and thinner... this will help the criticizing to stop."
The eating disorder started simply as calorie counting and working out. However it turned into a full-blown eating disorder where I was obsessed with everything I ate and the calories I was burning. A girl on my high school's track-team befriended me and introduced me to bulimia, taught me how she did it, and encouraged me to try.
Well, I did. I secretly tried it. This secret went on for over a year. I was 17 years old at the time, weighing in at a mere 89 pounds. I didn't realize how bad my eating disorder was but my parents were concerned for my health. I knew bulimia was not healthy and yet I was hiding it from everyone.
I agreed to see a counselor. During one session she wondered if I asked God for help with the eating disorder. I hadn't wanted help. I wanted to stay thin. Yet, I desperately needed help. That evening I finally let God into my secret and asked for help. As I prayed I sensed the Holy Spirit say I would be healed.
I shared this with my counselor. She gave me some helpful tools to combat my daily thought patterns to conquer past behaviors. I implemented her action steps immediately.
Her advice was helpful and kept the eating disorder at bay. But what it didn't prevent was what would result a couple years later.
Cavities. Many cavities. 5 to be exact.
My body was responding to previous damage from the eating disorder. I was embarrassed and felt shame, knowing these cavities were a result of my sin of the eating disorder that I had intentionally chosen years prior. The word origin for “sin” is hamartano', which simply means “to miss the mark of God’s heart for us” (like an archer missing a target), to do wrong, to sin. —And I would say my eating disorder was missing God’s heart for me, missing the target of His heart.
The dentist showed me the cavities on the x-rays. I felt dread getting them taken care of though. Oh man... that dental drill.
I let a couple years go by.
Yes, you read that correctly. A couple years went by without getting them fixed.
I finally made the appointment to head back to the dentist. Sitting in the parking lot I cried out to God. Here's what my conversation looked like:
"God I have 5 cavities. It's my fault I have these. They are a result of my eating disorder that I intentionally chose.
The Bible says You came to remove all shame, sin, and sickness. If the Bible is correct then shame doesn't belong to me anymore and sin does not have a hold on me anymore. You nailed these to the cross.
When I think about these cavities I feel shame and embarrassment because of my actions, but I believe You nailed my sin and suffered my shame on the cross. (Heb. 12:2, Is. 53:4-5)
If I'm understanding the scriptures correctly, that You truly removed all my sin and took my shame then would You please show me this by healing my cavities, as this outward expression of You healing me?"
I wiped my tears, got out of the car, and slowly walked into the dental office.
I told my dentist I felt embarrassed and shared the cavities were most likely a result of my eating disorder. We took new x-rays to see how they had progressed. He looked at my new x-rays.
"You have NO cavities, Liz!."
"No. I have 5. I have 5 cavities"
"You don’t have any now. Everything looks really good!"
I was in shock and thrilled. I went on to tell my dentist about my conversation in the parking lot with the Lord. I told him how the Bible says Jesus took on all our sin and shame. These cavities were a result of my intentional “sin” (missing of God’s heart for me) that caused a lot of embarrassment & shame.
He smiled and stopped me saying "lets gather all the other employees and the other dentist and can you tell them what you just told me?"
Everyone gathered in that little office around my chair as I shared about my eating disorder and the shame and embarrassment it caused. I shared about Jesus's death removing our sin and shame, and of God's grace and healing power.
God took my sin and even the result (my cavities) and by His extravagant love & mercy covered me with His healing power. He looks at us with so much compassion, even in our sin.
God wants us all to know that even if we intentionally made poor choices, and sinned... even if you chose the path you are on and the '“sin” that has caused grief and suffering- His compassion and love is far greater and more powerful than anything you've ever done.
Your sin can't separate you from Him. He wants to remove your shame & embarrassment from your sin. He already nailed it all to the cross. Now you can live in the freedom He came to bring you. We don't work for it, or try to earn His good graces. We already have His good graces. We don't have to prove any kind of "worthiness" to Him. He already thinks we are worth His love and grace, this is why He went through the suffering on the cross to be reunited with us.
ACTIVITY
| 1 |
What sin from your past still lingers in shame and sickness?
| 2 |
Is there still something lingering in your heart, mind, or body from this?
| 3 |
Would you be willing to bring these to God? He wants to hear from you.
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